first post in 8 months

i'd like to thank anyone who reads this for their patience. the past eight months have sucked any kind of inspiration to write about anything fully out of me. i have given a lot of thought about whether or not to explain the reason for the absence, and then i got about three updates in and realized that they're all about my mom anyway, so it's not like i'm actually doing a good job of keeping it to myself. a few weeks after my last blog post back in april, my mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer. within that month, she was put in intensive care due to complications from an insane amount of fluid in her abdomen and by the time she was released to the acute care ward a week later we had basically given up on any hopes of attempting chemotherapy, and she was placed in an amazing palliative facility a week later. she died at the end of august.

spending the summer caring for her and seeing her every day was an immeasurable experience that taught me so much about grace, dignity, and how to die. and say what you will about the state of albertan/canadian health care system, but i cannot tell you how amazing their palliative care setup is.

in fact, from speaking to coworkers here in california, there is absolutely no comparison between the services offered. i bore witness to infallible compassion and understanding, and there were ample services offered and made available to us the caregivers as well. it is so lifesaving for the surrounding family to leave from a visit, riding the long elevator down to street level, knowing that we left her in good hands, that the staff were attentive and caring. a true testament to the place were the number of volunteers who offered support, most of them spouses of former patients who had passed and who wanted to give back the love and tenderness they received while visiting their terminally ill loved one.

hoping that your 2009 was good to you, and that 2010 will be even better. i'm not sure about you, but there's something different about changing years this year. it really does feel like a clean slate, a way to reorganize and thoughtfully refocus. last year was such a rewarding time of caring for others; of worrying about my dad and spending every possible moment with my mother, that i welcome marking a passage of time that allows me to learn how to make my own everyday a priority. and if that means justifying an entire weekend spent knitting on the couch, then all the better.