this was all mike's fault. i just want to establish that from the outset. as a general life rule, any bottle of hot sauce that has dust on it and/or is called something like Black Widow you might want to surrender to, admitting, with a shake of the head, that there are limitations to your "screw it. try everything once" mentality.
mike's main problem in life, i believe, is that he lacks those sensibilities. amid repeated appeals to his common sense, his perspective, and lengthy descriptions of the ramifications of his choices, he demanded a fork. we could do nothing but sit back, videotape, and laugh. really hard.
also, please note all of his trash-talking, right up until the final moments. you brave fool.
note: our memory ran out halfway through, so there's a bit of magic missing.
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